Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the internet
People were dying: “boom, right through the head!”
Sure it was a slaughter, but with a great deal of respect,
As people celebrated, not with pine trees but with lead.
I was sitting by my PC, and with love, not spite,
Shooting Nazis, Zombies and Army men alike,
When suddenly the most peculiar feeling hit me,
Some fat bearded guy was sitting right next to my tree.
“‘Scuse me”, I said, with great nonchalance,
“Are you here for cake? Perhaps a dance?”
The overweight fellow looked me right in the eye
And let out a “oh, oh…oh” before a long winded sigh.
“What’s the matter large fellow?” I asked, still concerned
That this rounded up figure was looking quite stern.
“I’ve had it this year” it said in a long deep voice,
“I’ve had it with present, with little girls and boys”.
“Every year I transverse the globe,
With a giant bag, and my big red robe,
And I do real magic, make things from thin air,
It’s very complicated, no time to spare!”
“Yet every year, it’s always the same ordeal,
There’s a ton of complaints, it’s truly unreal.
Kids bitch, moan, whine and complain,
Cause I didn’t give them the latest console or that one extra game.”
“There’s no winning with this kids, not nowadays,
Back then they were happy with well made wooden toys,
Now it’s just videogames, and oh dear lord,
Best be the latest one, and with all DLC, off course”
“Cheer up round guy” I said, in a tone most complacent
“I know of some guys, a group quite pleasant,
Who’ll definitely empathize, they too know ungratefulness,
Why it’s the Valve Corp guys”, I remarked with great finesse.
“Really?” said loudly the corpulent comrade
“They work everyday to give us free content”, I decided to add,
“And just look at the forums, it’s a little bit sad,
Every other post is filled with anger, people are MAD!”
“My, I never thought”, point out my guest
“That there were others like me, pursuing my quest!
And they go on unwavered, doing their part!
Just look at that Newell fellow, a man after my own heart!”
“Thanks my friend”, said the chubby guy,
“You brought back joy to this old man’s eye”
“It’s no problem”, I was quick to reply
“Just please get your reindeer to stop eating my Christmas lights”
Ever since that day, every year spent,
At the same exact date I have a game with my dear plump friend
A great deal of things Santa brought me,
And all I really wanted, was episode III.
Merry Christmas Valve…
…Now get to it.